I spent 20 years of my life almost free of reality TV*. I did enjoy Survivor though, however I can't vouch for anyone else in Britain as no-one else seems to have heard of it.. I managed to avoid eight years of Big Brother and although I had a brief but very enjoyable flirtation with Celebrity Love Island, I was still predominantly anti reality TV. Until I came to uni. Every female had watched The Hills and everyone seemed to be the ultimate Big Brother fan. I was cruelly sucked in and even watched some episodes of The Hills so I knew what people were on about. By October I was avidly following the lives of brainless Cheshire teenagers in Living On The Edge. I've even managed to force myself to now thoroughly and genuinely enjoy Four Weddings. However much I despise weddings, marriage, cheesy gestures, butterflies and people who are in love I simply can't get enough of it. So now I am officially a reality TV 'fan' and am no longer ashamed (well, maybe I am a little bit) and recent favourites The Only Way is Essex and The Hotel have really sealed the deal. I still draw the line at American shows though, I'm not that hooked. I have no idea who the Kardashians actually are or why they are famous are and frankly I couldn't give less of a shit.
Anyway, back to the case in point. My love affair with The Only Way is Essex became an addiction and I dreaded the day it was over - what would I watch when I was low on grey matter now?? The withdrawal symptoms were soon soothed with E4's hypodermic needle full of delicious reality TV smack: Made in Chelsea. Gone are the boob jobs and white Landrovers of Essex, this time the screens are graced with posh young idiots (don't let the accent fool you into thinking they are any more intelligent than my dear favourite Amy Childs) with nothing better to do than date models, drink champagne and talk about their eyelashes while dicking about in London's most exclusive postcodes. It is hilarious. You know how you laugh when you see someone fall over in the street or walk along with their skirt tucked in their knickers? Well, it's that kind of funny. I LOVE IT.
The cast all have stupid names, stupid hair, or in most cases both and despite the private education, the majority of them barely have a brain cell to rub together (no Ollie, Binky and Cheska, Charles Dickens did not write Winnie The Pooh.) Amber is trying to start her own jewellery business by throwing a pretentious party and Caggie is a budding singer so wears lots of silver jewellery and denim shirts, clearly the next Joan Baez .... Francis Boulle may actually be one of the few with half a brain as he's CEO of some diamond business. cue him posing for a portrait, pretentious globe in hand, despite probably having a panic attack if he goes any further than Saville Row. A lot of them have 'jobs' but appear to be on gap decades at the moment which is convenient.
After just two episodes the 'big' story is Caggie fancies Spencer even though he has a pathetic haircut, Spencer really fancies Caggie too and has since he was 15 but now he lives with his model girlfriend Funda who briefly stars in the new Trainline advert ('choo choo choo make savings with the trainline', watch and you'll see). An awkward dinner party ensued in episode two that was difficult to watch, but shit looks set to hit the fan in tonight's episode when Funda wants to talk to Caggie. I can't wait.
The other relationship dilemma is Ollie and his 'girlfriend' Gabriella. The fact he was going out with a girl shocked me enough but to see how besotted she is with him and how little he cares about her is horrifying, although leads to some frankly hilarious moments. It can only end in tears. He invited his hateful friends Cheska and Binky along on a specifically 'just the two of us, romantic' skiing break and was in a state of shock when he couldn't find his eyelash curlers. When he looks at her he couldn't be any more dead behind the eyes. I can't see the series progressing well for them. He needs to flounce off and make us laugh on his own without hurting her any more. The relationship would just be collateral damage in the quest for amusement.
Fredrik, the model, has just been to Damascus essentially wearing 'nouveau backpacker' fancy dress because he's far more interesting and much cooler than the rest of them of course...He's beginning to date Millie who couldn't be any more different to him. He surprised her on a lunch date by 'making an entrance' - she thought she'd been stood up then realised he was the one playing lounge music on the piano. She then flirted with him overtly, they got in a cab together as he groped her arse but of course she won't be putting out til the seventh date. She told Caggie.
In real life Hugo would be my favourite. He's the only one who actually seems like a decent person, he is far more grounded and level headed than the others and, somewhat coincidentally, the most shaggable. However, for the purposes of viewing enjoyment, Ollie is the overall favourite. I love to hate the disgusting way he treats the besotted girlfriend that he clearly doesn't give a shit about, the way he whips his hair and the pure dismay I feel at everything that comes out of his mouth. And these people are 'real.'
Favourite moments so far:
- Horse-maned Ollie channelled the inner philosopher and bravely tackled the big question - 'Can you tan through fake tan?'
- I'm pretty sure 'intern' Agne is actually Elena from Peep Show plus a bottle of peroxide. If this is the case (and I plan to investigate it) then she needs to go back to drama school.
- Talking of the 'intern', Francis' face when she swanned in with her Swedish accent and blow job pout was priceless. Pretty sure it wasn't just the acting that was wooden on that occasion.
- Ollie and his girlfriend decided that they could always just 'share concealer' on their skiing trip. Even the rich are thrifty.
- Spencer acted like a petulant child when he realised he couldn't have two cakes and eat them both. In a MASSIVE coincidence, he 'happened' to turn up at the bar where Hugo was setting Caggie up with an equally posh mate.
- Francis clearly took a day off when they were taught to row as he made a pigs ear of capsizing on his 'lads' day with Fredrik. Maybe that's why Caggie isn't interested in him.
I'm genuinely excited for tonight's episode and the rest of the series although I fear the end will come along far too quickly. The sheer insanity and hilarity of these people is the perfect love/hate TV, especially for those of us who are jobless and penniless, in need of something to make us feel better about our lives.
Ollie was so worried people would notice he hadn't curled his eyelashes that he chose a suitably elaborate prop to distract us. I salute you. Darling.
*note - Come Dine With Me doesn't count. It's fantastic and not in the same realm as 'reality' TV. Neither does Big Break.
No comments:
Post a Comment